“Royal Navy finds 61 bombs in two day sweep at nudist beach”
(Daily Telegraph headline, 12 October 2011)
Minding our business on old Leysdown Beach,
In our tranquil and private naturist niche,
Imagine our fright to find in our way
Explosive devices along with the spray.
The Navy sent divers the things to remove:
Our hope was for things to quickly improve.
But twenty-six bombs were not quite enough –
Sixty-one more were exposed in the rough.
“They’re old and they’re rusty”, the officer said –
An ambiguous comment that could be misread –
“We’ll clear them away as soon as we can,
So you can still get your all-over tan.”
As sailors dig down, elsewhere we’ll shift –
A new place to disrobe and unveil midriff.
For if there’s one thing we nudists can’t stand,
It’s spectators watching us strolling the strand.
Now, disposers, do your work fast
So we can return to Sheppey at last.
Unobserved and once more secure,
With no more ballistics and mines to endure.